Words: Steve Simmons
Music: Steve Simmons

I've dressed up for this convention,
Looking pretty good in green
Or red or blue, or even wheat 
But in black when I need to look mean
    'Cause I'm a Dorsai
    You will know us when you see us
    Look for initials, D and I.

I eat Klingon waffleheads for breakfast
Starship Troopers for a snack
Get a steak off you as I'm passing through
And dessert when I come back.
    'Cause I'm a Dorsai
    I put on pounds 'cause it's too easy
    Give me a work-out, won't you even try?

Klingon women mark their men
And leave them stiff and scarred.
But Dorsai women know better ways
To keep their menfolk hard.
    Thank God they're Dorsai
    They know that home is where the heart is
    And all the other parts, ai-yi-yi!.

I can watchdog your artshow
To your dealers I'm a friend
I can sing and drink til 2 AM*
Then come back and do it again
    'Cause I'm a Dorsai
    This con's security's brought to you
    By the letters D and I.

I've got a Kelly Freas original.
I wear it on my hat.
To cover up my bald spot
But it don't work for my fat
    Still I'm a Dorsai. 
    I may be carrying a few more pounds
    But what I say I'll do, I'll do.

The new generation's a'coming.
They look a lot like us.
Some because they're related.
And others, well, just because
    They must be Dorsai
    We know the new ones when we see 'em.
    Don't call us, we'll call you.

Yes we're the Dorsai.
And if it ain't in the contract (pause)
We'll only do it if we like you.

*In earlier drafts this was 4AM, but I decided not to lie.

Material copyrighted © to the author - Brought to you by the Dorsai Irregulars [www.di.org]